The Law of Attraction, working again

There's a relatively new book out, The Secret, which is also a documentary and in CD form now. It's based on the premise that whatever you put out into the universe is that which you will materialize in your immediate existence. Another way of saying: "you reap what you sow" and it can be also said in a hundred of other ways. The book The Secret, is really a compilation of the philosophies and teachings of current spiritual leaders, as well as incredible teachings from many that have gone before us hundreds and thousands of years ago. (disclaimer: I didn't really like the CD, because I believe that authors should almost NEVER read their own books for books on tape. this CD = proof of my theory)

So, if the law of attraction is really real, then why are we all so miserable at times, and so broke, or lonely or sad? I believe we get lazy and also sometimes fall into the ruts or routines of life, instead of breaking those patterns and creating new ones.

Which brings us to the "now" of my life. It's pretty much the continuation of a transitional time of my life and also that of my family. When we knew Mike was about to lose his job in the Spring, incredulous due to the circumstances and difficulties that came with the job, we started making plans to seek employment elsewhere in the area, which also meant I'd probably have to put my education on hold, again, to be picked up again who the heck knows when. Instead, we accepted the many-times repeated offer to go live with the in-laws in NJ. After many discussions between us and with them, we finally agreed it could be a mutually beneficial arrangement for awhile. As we brought up the trailer loaded with furniture and clothing, we realized in horror that we had probably made a terrible mistake. We re-grouped and evaluated the situation, and then did a few check-ins with the parents, insisting, in clear statements, that it looked like we made a mistake. You know, "Well, we're definitely not feeling the love here, it looks like this was a bad idea after all." And other things like that. We were assured otherwise. However, after receiving a most unusual and somewhat rehearsed "talking to" by the Bear that first day, we almost loaded everything back onto the trailer to haul it back from where we came. WTF!!!!!!!!!!! Practically begging us to come up, and then proceeding to put up the invisible do not trespass and you're not welcome signs...a confusing passive/aggressive series of "communication" that unfortunately has only occasionally gotten better and then gotten worse as time has moved on. Remind you of one step forward and two steps back?

Now that the chemo treatments are in full process (and hopefully done for awhile), and all that comes with that scenario, the messages of not being welcome have fluctuated between nothing and most obvious, but all in the form of passive/aggressive communications. It's very very very very very very frustrating. There are excuses and indignant responses, and also mixed messages, making effective communication practically impossible. Many have offered up possible excuses or explanations or ideas of what could cause such a scenario as the situation in which we presently reside, besides the obvious that we mis-judged. Words of crotchety old man, set in their ways, senility, it's their house, and more, have been offered up. I say, who the hell knows? At this point, what does it matter?

Any efforts to assist with projects that were claims of necessity prior to May have either been assumed that we would take care of them as expected, or randomly or vehemently resisted with a passion that only those who live in the land of denial can possibly express. Then, I find I have flashbacks from previous jobs where "perception" was a destructive force, for example, like when you make something look easy, and then everyone assumes it is easy and that it should only take a few minutes to do the next time. Only, when it eventually comes time for them to do the job themselves, after they have caused relationship damage, they FINALLY realize all that went into making the job look so easy in the first place. Of course, apologies are awkward, if even offered ever. In my experience, they are not offered up.

Does this mean that we should all learn to complain and/or explain all the difficulties or challenges of a project to people like this that will never "get it"? or do you just say forget about it and move along? I could complain about the many details, but it's for naught, and will get me nowhere. In fact, none of this above or below is a complaint. It is a blunt observation put in writing in a forum that has been surprisingly therapeutic. If anything, this entire living experience and situation has produced many interesting rewards, many more frustrations, but has allowed me the time to finish my final several months of my MBA program so I didn't have to put it on hold indefinitely or for eternity. We will look back on these days one year and laugh, or not. View all the inconsistencies and inconveniences, rejections and demands, opportunities taken and opportunities lost, as one big space in time where the only true importance and bottom line is how our son got to know his grandparents better than he would have ever had the opportunity otherwise.

So, we have started the conscious shift to finding our own place, pushing the process of finding employment for both of us, and visualizing our OWN home as an immediate option...and the powers that be have made the process so much easier to desire and to move into. Life on the homefront has taken on a sense of urgency that was unprecedented in the prior 4 months. And I say this and also say: bless everyone's hearts, especially for those who know not what they do.

Without going down the road of saying something that I would regret, let's just say that I MISS AIR CONDITIONING!!!!! And I don't really understand how a house can be so fricking hot, except that the only working A/C is in a bedroom that is only used part of the day, while all other A/Cs and fans on the main floor have to stay off, while the windows have to stay closed. The reality is that I and my family are not the sick ones, so we will move ever so much faster in a way to get us our own space ever so much sooner.

We will move on with no regrets. No regrets about not being able to do any of the necessary projects that HAVE to be done in order to sell a house. No regrets about not realizing sooner that the house will never sell, no matter what an how many times the subject was offered as part of a real conversation. No regrets about the many years that had passed without visits. No regrets about the visits that never materialized or the parties that were never attended. No regrets about learning how to better take care of my immediate family, which also means letting go of any idea of how we "thought" we'd be able to also help out here. No regrets in realizing that "mutually beneficial living arrangement" was never a realistic possibility, because the reality of living in denial will never allow that possibility. Never. Ever. No regrets about implications of how this past year will inevitably affect all of us in the future. No blaming, and no hard feelings. And a better sense of appreciation about all the choices and risks that we have available. An appreciation that sometimes when we take a risk and it doesn't turn out at all as we expected, that we can actually pick up the pieces and ignore what would have been considered an embarrassing situation in the past, and we can learn from it and move on. No regrets because we are now more true to ourselves than we could have ever thought possible in the past, and that knowing will be what helps us get and stay grounded from this day forward.

Hmmmm. Listen carefully....because this is the sound of us MOVING ON......