Just Amazing

today, I received confirmation about a long-term relationship in my life that has been tainted with prejudice and racism towards me directly since the beginning, as in, over a time-span of decades! by someone who allegedly "accepted me as is". to show you how naive or ignorant, or both, that I have been, it never even occurred to me that these true and ugly feelings were an issue until about a month ago.

just Amazing! but, also a sense of relief now that it is out in the open. for what relationship can be based on truth when it is tainted with the ugliest of lies and offense? and how better to "let go" and, more importantly, to forgive the offender, than to see it for what it is and then let it go. truly a sense of freedom, for the invisible controlling binds that once held the relationship in a "safe" place are gone forever. "IF" -- and I might add that "if" if a very strong word here -- this relationship ever gets to a place of healing, it will never be the dysfunction that it always was before.

it's interesting, the older I get, and the more true I am to myself and to my family, the more the layers of dysfunction around me show up to challenge themselves to me before they finally either dissolve, shift, or go away. the layers of lies that try to smoother the perfect jewel of truth. I choose truth EVERY time, thank you very much!

in fact, the irony in all of this is that I don't lie. I have no reason to, never did, will not start now. those that make ugly accusations (most recently, referencing the individual above) will always try to manipulate and re-direct conversations, try to place wedges between me and the ones I love, and try to make me to be the "bad guy" when I firmly rest on my former statement: I don't lie. I don't try to hurt anyone, I certainly don't try to make anyone miserable. it is inevitably the act of living a life of falseness, avoidance, denial, illusion or just plain meanness, that creates these difficult encounters.

and now, to be free of yet one more dysfunctional aspect of life!

from www.dictionary.com:

prejudice
prej-u-dice (prej-uh-dis)
--noun
1. any unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.
2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, esp. of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.
4. such attitudes considered collectively: The war against prejudice is never-ending.
5. damage or injury; detriment; a law that operated to the prejudice of the majority.
--verb
6. to affect with a prejudice, either favorable or unfavorable: His honesty and sincerity prejudiced us in his favor.
--idiom
7. without prejudice, Law. without dismissing, damaging, or otherwise affecting a legal interest or demand
Origin: 1250-1300

rac-ism
proununciation: rey-siz-uhm
-noun
1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among various races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
Origin: 1865-70

and now, I will go hug and love the ones in my immediate family unit even more. THAT'S what I get up in the morning to be, a good person to these people first, and then to all others after that. nowhere in this formula is there room for racism and prejudice.