RIP, Mrs. Annie Stauffer

Annie G. Stauffer, 89, of Leonardtown, MD passed away on September 6, 2015 in her home. Born on October 6, 1925 in Selingsgrove, PA, she was the daughter of the late Katie H. Gehman Brubacher and Henry M. Brubacher. Annie was the loving wife of the late David M. Stauffer...
Her family:  10 boys, 1 girl, plus 4 infant boys and 2 infant girls who did not survive; 119 grandchildren, and 223 great grandchildren.  Counting spouses, these number increase to approx. 17 + 6 + 200 + 223 = ~450!  One family, in our neighborhood. One Mennonite Family.

I finally got to meet Mrs. Stauffer about 2 years ago, but I have been hearing nice things about her since we were children.  My grandmother was good friends with her since they were both young mothers.  Grandma is currently 88, a mere 9 months younger than Mrs. Stauffer.  They always called each other by Mrs.: Mrs. Stauffer, Mrs. Dean.  Maybe they called each other by first names when no one was looking, but when we heard about her, it was always Mrs.  They all met, including Mr. Stauffer and Gramps, at the Tobacco Auctions in Hughsville, many decades ago, when the tobacco was harvested and sent to market.  Over they years, these ladies met up and then started visiting each other at their homes.  Usually, Grandma would need to go get Mrs. Stauffer to drive her to the Scotland Farm, as the Stauffers lived a Mennonite lifestyle in Loveville, Maryland.  Now, I say "usually", but I believe it was only once or twice, but it was enough to last a lifetime of storytelling, it left that strong of an impression on her.  One part in particular, was Grandma said Mrs. Stauffer asked her to stop at a market, where she could purchase some sausages and other items.  Then, after all their running around, and they took the Stauffer's home, Mrs. Stauffer and all the ladies in her home heated up the big pans of water, so they could process and can preserve the meats.  That night.  After running around all day and surely being tired, they had their work cut out for them that night!  I remember both Grandma and Mom canning things into the nights in my childhood, and sometimes, especially as we got older, we had to stay up and help.  Long days, being farmer folks!  The difference with the Stauffer's is that they lived the Mennonite lifestyle.  No running water in the house, no electricity, no modern conveniences. No indoor plumbing.

And, when we grew up, Mrs. Stauffer was always the "nice Amish lady, she's such a nice lady" when we see here in her obituary that she was in fact Mennonite, not Amish.  Yes, there is a difference, many differences, in fact.  I finally did the research about the differences a few years ago, because I found myself embarrassed that we grew up around both, and I didn't know a soul who could explain the differences to me, much less myself.  So, now I know.  The biggest differences are the Mennonites are a bit more progressive than the Amish, but there really are many other differences.  I was surprised to learn that both cultures have the latitude to make changes in their "life rules" as they desire, even though most do not choose to do so.

The passing of Mrs. Stauffer brings many things to mind.  First, and saddest of all, is how my Grandmother will not know of her passing.  Even if we told her, she would not remember we told her, for that is one of the nasties of Dementia, the brain disease that strips you of what and who you know.  The what part doesn't seem as glaring, but the Who part is so frustrating.  Yes, she remembers Mrs. Stauffer!  And I feel so fortunate to have been able to help take her to visit Mrs. Stauffer on her son's farm not so long ago.  It was a great day, regardless of the reason we wanted to get her out of the house that day.  She had been wanting to go see her friend for a long time at that point.  She has gone to visit her again since that time, and said she had a great visit.  I love how they laughed, side by side, like little girls.  We left them to have privacy, not that they asked for it, or that they demanded it.  One of my aunts told Grandma 2 weeks ago that Mrs. Stauffer was sick, and that she was at a different son's house.  I think it registered to Grandma that she was sick, but then it triggered her fond memories, and the conversation shifted.  She has not asked about her again, so she does not remember that she was told about Mrs. Stauffer being sick.  Telling her that she passed would almost be a cruel conversation.

Mrs. Stauffer was lovingly taken care of by her children and more.  Their community automatically does this, without the drama that affects so many other families.  THIS, I would wish on ALL OF US!  Especially now, in Grandma's time of need.  Her days of Damned Dementia!  But, I digress.

Grandma lived a parallel farmer's wife life to the likes of Mrs. Stauffer, the same but also very different.  Grandma had 5 boys and 8 girls.  She says she never had a miscarriage or lost a baby, so I have to go with that information at this point.  Of those children, she has 34 grandchildren, about 57 great grandchildren, and 5 great great grandchildren, if you count the 3 steps, for a total 96.  Counting spouses, this increases to 26 + 68 + 60 + 5 = ~159!  Dementia or no dementia...who can possibly remember all those names at the age of 88?!

In comparison, I have one child, who we got at the age of 40.  We will be lucky if he has 2 children by the time we are in our 80s, which gives my husband and I a legacy of 4 or maybe 6, if our son had kids young and they marry young.

These are the numbers and concepts I have had dancing in my head since the day I met Mrs. Stauffer and she shared how many grands and great-grands she had at the time.  The numbers:  450 of hers to 159 of Grandma's to 4 or 6 of my own!