Happy Birthday, Juanita!

Hope you had a fun one! Sounds like you did, and that is great!

I remember when you were born, and when they brought you home from the hospital, Mom and Dad tried to teach us your name. We had to keep asking, "What's her name again?" We had never known a Juanita before that, and it was hard to say for us little ones (ages 5.5, 4, 3, 2 and 1). Well, you fixed that one in a smart way, when you did your day care, and for all the nieces and nephews: Aunt Nee Nee!

You are amazing! Those who don't know you well are missing out on a beautiful being! You have a healing touch and that combined with your intuitive nature make you a very interesting and appealing person to be around. I can see why the students and faculty and staff at your school love to have you there. It is easy to see why so many are attracted to you.

You are extended by the family you surround yourself with, Dan & the kids, Ed & Betty, all who deeply love you and would be lost without you. Danny and Cindy have always been fun children to play with (yes, Cindy, you really were our play toys when you were little, but it's a good thing!), and have turned into beautiful, responsible, and interesting adults. They will surely succeed wherever they sew their oats in this world.

May you have all wonderful days!

Love and peace to you always,

your sister, Virginia

In Memory of Mom

I didn't post on July 9th this year, perhaps it was just too emotional, and emotional for the "anniversary", but also because a friend of 30 years had just stayed at my house for 2 weeks, Mike had just left the previous week for his new job, and the movers were about to come and pack our house in just a few short days, and I was in the middle of a terrible finance class. But on this day of days, I did talk to several close friends and family, one sister the day before as she would be out of touch the next day, and it was also a rather loaded day of "chores" for some reason. First of all, I didn't want to go to school that night, and had planned to use the one allowable "miss" for a course for that night. That didn't work out, as Mike had surgery on June 11th, and I had to miss that night instead. Oh, well, you do what you gotta do. After all is said and done, though, even though I knew I had to go to class that night, I think the weeks leading up the the 1 year anniversary of my Mother's death was more traumatic than the actual day. In fact, "her day" was full of activity and surprises. Instead of being sad, I was more thankful for "all the little things" -- which is more like how she would have preferred it.

Don't you hate it when people decide how those that have gone before us "would have liked it" or "would have done it" and so on?! ;) But, I know that Mom would choose to have fun than be annoyed any day of the week, and she only wanted the best for all of us, so there it is.

Woke up early to take Chris to his play appointment that was temporarily moved to 8:30 AM. Don't want to be late, as he really loves to play with Yvonne on these dates. Reached over to grab a washcloth from the basket of towels next to our garden tub, only to notice there was "something" in the tub! Something dark and large. Ok.... that was different and unexpected. Here's what we saw:

Now, here's the thing, and it's a little hard to see from here, but this little guy is at least 15" or 17" long, from nose to end of tail, his body alone was 6". He's the BIGGEST gecko/lizzard we've ever seen in our back yard, front yard, ever since we arrived in NM in 1993, and believe me, we have a LOT that live in the rocks in our yards, enough that we see several every single day (probably oftentimes the same ones, just multiple sightings as they scurry to and fro looking for food)! And, we've NEVER had one in our house. Most of the geckos here are much smaller, usually less than 10" long, many of them much smaller as they are babies or just young. We had a lot of 2" ones this summer, in fact. In all our time here, we've never had one venture into our home, probably because of the dogs we've always had inside, even though we often have left our doors open so the dogs could come and go at will. What TIMING for this fella to be in our house, and captive in our tub on this particular day!

Well, we had to leave, didn't have time to relocate him back outside, or we'd be late for our play date appt. So, we gave him a little water in the tub in case he was thirsty, and we left. Upon our return, I got a cool whip tub and piece of cardboard and carefully got him in the tub to put him outside. Chris was very involved in this rescue, and instructed me to make sure we let him go and not get him hurt, and please can we put him in my sandbox? So, we did. And amazingly, after we let him go, he just sat there in the sandbox and didn't move! Didn't scurry off, didn't run and hide, didn't shake, nothing! Just sat there looking at us for what seemed like the longest time. Finally, I told Chris to stand still, so I could go get my camera...and of course he moved in closer once I was out of sight. Not a problem, the 2nd picture just wasn't meant to be, but I'm still amazed by our little visitor.

And, I do know it was a sign/message from Mom. The timing and size and behavior were so blatantly out of "the norm" that it couldn't be anyone else. The date, this date I so dreaded in coming, and here it was with surprises! Thanks, Mom!

As for my class: it was the last night of this course. I had a babysitter, so Chris was taken care of and enjoying playing with Kyleigh. On the last night of a course, our study groups have to each give a presentation. Well, our paper was done, but the presentation had problems. It was a finance class, a horrid class, and long story short, it was the worst presentation I've ever shared in for over 35 or more classes at this school. I had asked Mom earlier in the day, if you have any way to help, please help me make it thru this class tonight. Well, the weirdest thing happened. One of the guys in my group had been out of touch, which is part of the reason it the presentation wasn't fully ready. His email said, "sorry, I've been in the hospital". Neither he nor the other guy in my group could miss a class, like my situation, so he HAD to go to class. He showed up, on morphine, and hosptial band around his wrist. The other guy sent an email saying, "something's wrong, the docs think I have appendicitis, they are going to run tests this afternoon, I may be late for class". Our group looked SO BAD, both the guys were so sick, that the other groups did not pass judgment, the teacher gave us an extra day to "fix" our problem finance tables, and the night was over. In all my classes, this has never happened! If I had to bet on how this presentation would "be saved" I would not have been able to even make up this kind of a story. Thanks, Mom!

On this day I did try to text (with one of my favorite pictures) or call or contact as many of my other 9 siblings who all shared the same Mom, and had very limited success, and even then, it was late in the day. To talk about it here may seem rude or inappropriate, but perhaps not. Not to go into so many details, but it was brought to my attention that "well, I think everyone is just handling this day in their own private ways". Perhaps I am wrong in every possible way in my life, but then I know this is not true, I am right "for me". The truth is, we are all dealing with life in the ways we need to. I was just unprepared and unaccepting of how our family of siblings have not stuck together in the ways that I had always imagined for when these days would descend upon us. Which they did last July. And now a year has passed, and things are still changing and evolving, but not in any possible way that I had imagined, again. Makes me want to play that song, re-made by a band called Pink Martini: Que Sera, Que Sera.

I always knew we would all work together, laugh together, cry together, and remember Mom in all the positive ways in which she impacted our lives. I could look at it as this opportunity was stolen from me, but instead I have shifted my outlook on pretty much "everything as I know it". My focus is always on my immediate family, to take care of my son and husband, any other children that may come our way, our pets, our plants. I will love and respect our other, extended family and our friends, and will share the moments we have as they come, but with no preconceived expectations. Of course, I do know those I can trust to "let in" and those who have shown me that they need lots more space, sometimes more than I previously knew, or who just want their own space. Or those who can't handle or are uninterested in being around my emotional or intense makeup, which is something that I come with, and frankly, that's okay, too. It's ALL okay.

In moving to the east coast, it was not an automatic or easy decision, as we had planted many roots in NM, and many of them were healthy and good ones. But, in coming here, to Virginia, we know it is a great decision at this time. And, as an extension of that, we know that our return to this area is not only a shift for us, but also for friends and family that have stayed here all along while we were more than 2,000 miles away. I really wanted to move closer to family to be able to spend more quality time with my Mother, and of course everyone else, but mostly for her. I knew she did not have the best of health, I knew she probably would not live as long as her Mother or Grandmothers before her, but I was honestly not prepared to let her go before we could get back, not at the age of 63! That was just not fair, she was too young, I wasn't ready. I'm sure none of us were. Well, Mike & I had been talking about how and when and where to move, so we'd be within driving distance in a day to St. Mary's. I didn't even get a chance to tell her that we were moving back east before she died. Imagine my surprise the week after the funeral when Mrs. Stone, who saw her weekly at her home for Catholic communion, told me that she knew, for she's the one who told Mrs. Stone! Hmmmm..... I had only told two people in St. Mary's, only two, and one was by accident. Oh, well. Maybe she just knew from her intuition.

Also in moving here, I found myself reaching for the phone to call her and tell her we are here! Damn. Most days I can remember with a smile and warm feeling in my heart, and not with tears. Those times that "you forget" for a second, those are the hardest. I haven't taken the trek to St. Mary's yet, don't really know when that will be. Mostly because of logistics, we have a few things to do here, like find another more permanent place to move into and then actually do the moving. However, when the time is right, we will make the trip. We will visit her house, which just this past month ceased to be "her" house, how odd that concept is. We will visit her gravesite and leave moisture. We will hopefully see family and friends, and with that, make another step forward in the healing process. Maybe "we" won't, but I will.

It doesn't matter, nothing outside the present moment really matters. I go back to my default of only living as the best person I can be, and then whatever happens I will have no regrets. Life will be the best it can be, every moment, because we are giving it our best.

And I choose to go to the place of remembering Mom in knowing that her favorite thing to do was tell a good joke and laugh, or listen to a good joke, or listen to her favorite music, or talk to people to see what was going on. I consciously choose to forget any regrets I have of the times in her life when she was frustrated or sad or angry, as those days are gone. The only thing I hold to my heart are her joyful memories.

In memory of you, Mom. Today and all days. I miss you, I love you more.

Remembering

February 9, 1924 -- August 22, 1996
Nelson E. Dean, Gramps to many of us.

Can't believe it's been this many years since you said goodbye for now. And, now it's been over a year since Mom joined you. Good thing you all have Bernie Mac out there with you, given how much you both love to laugh and tell and enjoy a good joke.



I appreciate how you come to me in my dreams sometimes, and even then you never say anything, you just smile and laugh! Always a smile and laughing! You are welcome to visit at anytime!

I thank you for giving me a hug the last time I saw you alive. It had been years since we hugged, and you got out of your chair in the living room to come into the kitchen to give me a hug goodbye. I knew then it would be our last time together in this physical world.

Thank you for your "signs" you sent after you passed, especially the sparkles, those were the best! And, thank you for keeping Grandma company all these past 12 years, making it easier for her.

We love you, we miss you.
Always.

We made it! Yay!

Wow, what a month! What a trip! We made it safe and sound from Albuquerque, New Mexico, to Hampton, Virginia. It took us 11 days to drive the 2,302 miles, and we averaged 22.2 miles per gallon along the way, which was better than we had guestimated.

Our itinerary:
Day 1: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Day 1: Amarillo, Texas
Day 2: Muskogee, Oklahoma
Day 3: Little Rock, Arkansas
Days 4 thru 7: Pocahontas, Arkansas
Day 8: Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Day 9: Hudson, North Carolina
Day 10: Durham, North Carolina
Day 11: Hampton, Virginia

Left our home on Sunday, August 3rd, stay the night at a friend's house in Albuquerque. Of COURSE, it all took longer than anticipated. I had hoped to be done the week before. Ha! Finished up around 6 PM Sunday night, a few hours late to meet at a friends house where we were going to stay for the night. Oh, had to call poison control when I found that Chris had drank some of the Simple Green cleaner that I had put in a red cup to use for the final wiping down. He thought it was one of my drinks and took a swig. By the time I figured out what he was trying to tell me, that he had drank some, we were literally loading the last of the stuff into the van. Simple green is non-toxic, but he started to complain about his stomach hurting. So, I pulled over and called 911. "What's your address?" "We don't have one, we are MOVING. Do I need to go the emergency room, I am in transit." Arghhh... they checked, he might be a little nauseous, but since he didn't swallow much from what we could tell, AND it was non-toxic, thank God, he'd be okay, we could continue on. After he had dinner later, he stopped complaining. We were able to enjoy our friends for a little while before heading out.

We did get to meet with some other friends at various times over the weekend, and some before that, and unfortunately we missed some.

Instead of leaving by noon, as planned, I woke up with a sore throat and too tired, and TOO MUCH stuff in the van. Had to unload everything to the driveway, and it took me all day to repack and load up 5 more boxes to mail, and then to re-load. Finally left Albuquerque at 5:15 PM, just as a storm rolled in. Check out the rainbow that, literally, appeared in the neighborhood as we pulled out. What timing! What a nice way to leave a city that we have really loved to be in for all these years. It's time to move, but a part of us will always be in NM....

I won't go into all the details of the trip, but here are some pics of along the way.

Oh thank goodness for air conditioning! All the way from Amarillo to Muskogee, it was between 102 and 105 degrees. It never "felt" that hot, maybe because we made our pit stops quickly, but my van thermometer is right on the money.

Chris is a fantastic travel partner! He read his books, watched a movie sometimes, played his leapster games, and after Arkansas, he played his Indiana Jones lego game on his new nintendo DS (thanks again, Steve & Denise!!), which he LOVES to play. For the trip, he stayed awake the whole way, except for the last 20 miles on the first day/night. It was around 11 PM, and I tried to get him to rest his eyes (and hope he'd go to sleep for awhile), but he insisted on watching out for our campground. We chose a KOA campground where we reserved a cabin for the night. We got there too late to use the pool, oh, well!

While driving thru Muskogee, Oklahoma, we saw the Booker T. Washington cemetery. I first noticed it because of an odd pile of "stuff" that seemed out of place. In all my years, I have never seen a graveyard within a graveyard. While I am purposefully focusing on only the positive in my life, this image just keeps coming back, it's disgraceful! It is hard to tell from here, but the pile is about 9 or 10 feet tall, and at least 15 feet wide, maybe more. I'm sending a copy of the pic to the folks responsible for this cemetery. They need to have a little more respect than this. And, it's right off one of the main roads through town, so there's absolutely no excuse why someone there hasn't organized a clean up day. Some of the headstones were marked as recent as earlier this year, the grass is cut, and the extra flowers are removed from the gravesites on a regular basis, it seems. They just never make it to the dump.

This headstone was interesting. "Isabell Hill. Age 103 years". No birthdate, probably because she would never tell anyone.
We spent a lot of hours looking out the windows on this trip. Sometimes the skies were just awesome. Here is one of the fun clouds we followed for awhile. Makes me want to have an afternoon picnic where you can lay on a blanket and just watch the clouds go by and try to see all the creations the imagination can conjure.

Okay, he wasn't allowed to stay like this for the trip, safety concerns and all, but Chris tried to be a little creative at times. Did I mention what a great traveller he is! The last time we moved, from CA to NM, he was not so cooperative. He was almost 15 months old, still on a bottle at night, and he was awake for about 2/3 of the 20-hr trip. Of that awake time, he pretty muched screamed and cried for at least 2/3 of that time. What a trip that was. But now, THIS trip was good!
Stopped overnight in Little Rock, Arkansas, stayed at La Quinta Inn just a mile from Danny's college dorms. We were very glad to get to see him and spend some time together. We all went to dinner at Chili's, after doing a few stops at stores to get things each of us needed. Juanita had met us at the hotel when we arrived, as she was in a class in town all week. We played in the hotel for awhile, waiting for Danny to get off work so we could pick him up. Apparently, the part of town we stayed in was a little "seedy", but no one approached us that night. People saw how big Maya is and they either backed off right away, or tried to be sly about stepping back while making conversation, "wow, she sure is big! what kind of dog is that?" Built in security system, for sure.





The next morning, we did run into a hassle at the gas station. After having lunch with Danny, again SO good to see him, we stopped at a gas station off one of the main highways there. I was hassled by two guys trying to scam gas off customers as they came thru. One of them made me very nervous, particularly as he had grabbed the gas nozzle and was pumping my gas, all the while trying to scam a way of getting money or gas in his vehicle on the other side of the pump. Fortunately, we were able to leave, no harm, no foul. You just never know, people are so unpredictable, especially in desperate situations.

The guinea pigs were not too happy about being confined in smaller living quarters, but they hung in there.
The piggies stayed in Cindy's room in Arkansas, along with Maya. She was comfortable and at peace in the bedroom, where we took her out often for short walks, and longer walks in the mornings. One morning we saw an amarillo crossing the road, saw lots of bunnies, and she even checked out the cows that were around in one of the fields the second morning.

Juanita and Dan have an outdoor kennel with a chain link fence that is about 10 ft by 10 ft. We "thought" Maya would be comfortable in here when we all went out for the day. She'd be outside, had shade, blah blah blah. WRONG! We left for a short time and tried her out. As you can see, she tried to eat her way out of the kennel. We actually saw her put her mouth through the diamonds as she squished them in her mouth. In her defense, she was a rescue dog and she never liked kennels when we first got her in early 2001. We don't know her history of her first 18 or 24 months, we just knew she didn't like to be crated, AT ALL back then. Apparently, not now, either.

We planned to do tie dye shirts on this trip, and it was a lot of fun! Juanita, Cindy, Betty, Chris and I all worked on the project outside. In all, we did 13 shirts, and it was a blast! It was my 2nd time, and their 1st, so we all learned a little more about how to do it better for the next time. You have to really make sure you get all the ink into the fabric where it's so thick, so that's good to know. All in all, the shirts came out great. I like Cindy's and Chris' the best. We tried the various ways of folding and pinching the fabric, using the rubberbands, and twisting, etc., It's amazing how different they all came out.

Betty, Cindy, and Juanita mixing colors and dying the shirts.

One of Cindy's A-shirts, all 3 of hers came out great!

Here are all the shirts wrapped in plastic, where we left them overnight. You wash the shirts, then soak in ash water, twist and rubberband and dye the colors on the shirts, roll them in plastic wrap, then let them sit overnight. Next day, wash out with a garden hose, then hang on the line to dry.
Finished product. Would have gotten more pics, but the batteries needed to be recharged!

Uncle Dan had his own Indiana Jones Lego game that he played on the TV, and also a Star Wars lego game he let Chris play with him. Most days everyone was outside and working or playing, but Sat. was a lazy day. On most days, Chris got to ride on the 4-wheeler, go for walks, visit the neighbors, and play outside. On Sunday, we went to Mammoth Springs near the Missouri border, which was a lot of fun, and we all wore our tie dye shirts on the outing. It is amazing how a spring in the ground can produce over 170,000 gallons of water every minute and never deplete itself. Amazing! We also went to Hardy, Arkansas, an town that stood still in time. Been looking for a night light for Chris and I found one made of wood that uses the wood, bark, rope for a handle and a pind-sized canning jar to form what looks like a hurricane lantern. I'd take a picture, but there are still pics from our trip on the camera from the last week that we need to download. So, later. It's all I can do to get done the chores that are necessary right now.

At Mammoth Springs, there were butterflies EVERYWHERE! Sometimes there were four at time that just fluttered and played all around Chris and then would fly off. This one landed and stayed long enough to get a quick pic. Our camera does not do great up close pics, but this one shows how pretty this little one is. There were huge ones and tiny butterflies all around, not to mention the many different types of dragonflies that were buzzing around also. Makes me happy!
How do you like Ed and Betty's tie dye shirts? Oh, Ed was wearing his under his dress shirt, and only because he promised Cindy he'd wear it that day. What a team player!
Chris, Cindy and Darrell. He actually tolerated all of us for the whole day and then came back for more abuse!
After Arkansas, we went to Uncle Arthur & Cyndi's house in Murfreesboro, TN. First, I met Arthur at the highway exit and he drove us to the boarding kennel for Maya for overnight. From the kennel, I let Chris ride with him. When we got to the house, he asked me, "Does he ever stop talking?" Of course, the answer is NO, he even talks in his sleep. :) They had the pool ready, and later fixed hawaiian chicken, rice and veggies, which were great. I worked on the baby quilt for Baby Nigel (two days down the road on the trip), who is about 8 months old now. We had a great visit, and it was fantastic to see them both.

Pics to come later (still on camera)

Then, we headed to Hudson, North Carolina, to Aunt Brenda and Everett's house. Cousin Kevin and his wife Judy came by later with their 7-yr old Jonathan, and 3-yr old Matt. Chris was VERY excited to get some of his cousins to play with, and play they did! A lot! They ran and rode on the golf cart with Everett, rode bikes and tricycles, picked blueberries, played imagination games, and pretty much played until they were all forced to go home to get baths.

The next morning, Matt arrived early, and was so excited to get Chris all to himself for a couple hours. They played and watched cartoons and played more. Then, when Jonathan arrived and Chris tried to put on his sandals so they could play outside, as he put them on, Matt took them off and wouldn't give them back. He said, "No, you need to stay inside and play with me!" We found him amusing, but he just didn't want to share the attention. Eventually, they all three went ouside to play.

We had southern cooking at Aunt Brenda's house, and it was also fantastic! Fried chicken, homemade biscuits to die for, gravy, fruit, homemade coleslaw and potato salad, mmmm, mmmm. It was a real treat to get to visit here. Aunt Brenda is my godmother, but we haven't had any time to visit over the years, except at Grandma's house when they would come out to visit. As we all know, visits "down county" mean you have to SHARE everyone. One on one was truly a treat for me. We sat and talked while I worked on the baby quilt, trying to get it finished to give to Baby Nigel the next day. It was almost done, just two more squares to go for the hand quilting part.

Prepared to leave the farm in Hudson, had all the animals and stuff loaded up in the van, including my resilient Christmas cactus, comfy in her laundry basket. That left Chris and I to get in and we were off. Apparently not. While we were all saying our goodbyes, Chris walked back over to the golf cart under the carport. He got in the seat, like they had been when Everett took them for a ride just an hour or so earlier. Well, little Matt also climbed aboard. Next thing we know, the golf cart was in motion, heading straight for us and the house! Fortunately, no one was in the direct line of fire, only a bike, bench, and then the house. I don't think the house was hurt too bad, the bike had minor damage. Matt bit his lip and had a little bleeding. Well, that got the blood pressure pumping for everyone, so we checked out everyone for any other damage, then said our goodbyes and left intact. That was a good thing!

Safely left Hudson to make the 3 1/2 or 4-hr trip from Hudson to Durham, NC, and dropped Maya at her 3rd boarding kennel for the trip. She has been such a trouper for this trip. Not liking all the changes, but hanging in there.

Arrived at Peg & Mel's house and got to meet the new baby! What a beautiful boy, much more charasmatic and handsome in person, even if his pics were also beautiful! He's at the stage of being Momma's Boy right now, so he didn't want a lot of passing around, but that's okay. He did like when Chris sang to him, and now that he's starting to crawl, he liked playing around all of us on the floor.

So great to see Peg and Mel also! What great friends we have, we are SOOO lucky in this regard, we seem to find the best friends along the way! Peg was our neighbor back in Albuquerque, and we've kept our friendship between all of her and our moves.

Got the quilt finished, just in time! Hope Nigel likes to use it! Will put up pics later, it's a fun one!

Headed out on Thursday morning by 11ish to pick up Maya and head to Hampton, Virginia, to reunite our family! Yay!

Thank goodness for Dean, my savior along the way. Kept me entertained and also on track geograhically. Leaving Durham, I was a little distracted, and following the GPS instructions, ended up on I-85 north instead of I-95. No problem. Dean redirected us to VA highway 58, which runs east from I-85 to Norfolk, just north of the NC border. It was like being back home: soy bean fields, corn fields, roadside farmer stands, a little angst when there were a few Tobacco fields! but we kept on trucking! We found a farmer with fresh watermelons and cantelopes, so we stopped and got some. Red and sweet watermelon! This is about as close to organic as is reasonable for the average person. I tell you, NOTHING replaces fresh tomatoes from the farm. There is nothing to resemble a fresh tomato, nothing in a grocery store, nothing in an organic store.

Got to Hampton, only to find that the GPS instructions didn't quite get us to the doorstep. Problems with this being a brand new apartment complex and not quite on GPS and also not on Google maps. Have to use a road close by in order to find. Well, tired and anxious to get our family back together, Mike met us at a local restaurant we found when we got a little lost. Made it almost 2,300 miles at this point, only to get lost the last 5! Oh, well. :)

Family back together, all is good. Lots of work to still do, but we took a short break. Went to Virginia Beach on Saturday, like a breath of fresh air to be back at the ocean and salt water again. Besides friends and relatives, I missed the beach and the water the most.

Acquired a horrid bacterial ear infection in my left ear starting about that last Tues. of traveling, and it progressively got worse. By this Monday, I couldn't take it anymore! Less than two weeks shy of health insurance again, the timing was not optimal, but what can you do? On a scale of 1 to 10, it was at least an 8.5, and I have a high tolerance for pain. Found a reasonable doctor's office, and just had to groan when I got the Rx price. On sale, the little tiny bottle of ear drop antiobiotics was $121, priced down from $159. I still have jaw numbness, ringing in the ear, and temporary (I hope!!) partial loss of hearing, but at least I can sleep on it again for the first time in a week. I don't have the urge to punch anyone who accidentally touches my head, so that's a good thing.

Anyway. Been "gone" for a month, but back now. Our home is listed for sale, people are looking, no offers yet, but one soon. Registered the little guy for Kindergarten! Oh, our baby is growing up! Going to ride the bus..... Mommy's gonna cry.

Okay, time to get more things done. Not to mention homework, due on Monday!