Family Surprises!

NOW marks 1 year, 3 months and 11 days since my Mom departed this world, or 469 days, or ~ 675,360 minutes.

No, it's not any easier. Figuring out how to Deal with the Reality is getting easier. Either way, I miss my Mom.

This weekend was a milestone weekend for me and my brothers and sisters. And their families as well, of course. Change affects everyone, whether we like it or not.

When change happens in a large family, it may be virtually impossible to find a consensus on all counts, for all projects, deadlines or not. Regardless, it is important to maintain a focus. For me, my main objective is to be the best Mom, wife, friend, sister and aunt I can be, and to find happiness in life in the process. It’s as simple as that.

So, this weekend we all agreed that we would finish the final project that has been lingering, which is to figure out who gets what and have those things relocated to their new homes. Yes, there is emotion involved, as well as 10 different opinions on how best to proceed. Further, with each and every item that is moved or removed, there is a tug at the emotional string for each of us. It is involuntary, even when we understand the emotions and logic around the activities. There are the comments about no one wanting to seem greedy...but we must remember that THIS is what Mom wanted!!! She SAID so, on numerous occasions. For those who were listening, we all heard the same thing.

For outsiders looking in, it may not seem like much, and it may seem ridiculous that “Patsy’s kids” are having such a hard time. Well, I can tell you, it’s just not that simple. The situation has many layers and levels. And surprises, be it in how someone reacts, or a memory that was invoked along the way, or in contemplating the future without Mom sitting in her living room.

For me, one of the hardest parts was to sort through her clothes. What do you do with someone's clothes when they no longer need them? One of my sisters and I want to cut up a few pieces to make something with them, maybe a few quilts, maybe pillow cases, maybe things we haven't thought of yet. Ordinarily I'd dump a pile of clothes on the floor to help sort them, but I couldn't bring myself to put even one of her things on the floor. I had it all on the back and seat of the sofa. It was then that I realized how much all her clothes together resembled a flower garden! A few items with stripes, random patterns, or t-shirts with their own designs, but more than 75% of her garments were flowers, the majority being roses.

She loved her roses!
Keith planted a rose memorial in her front yard earlier this year, they are beautiful! See the picture further down below.

Perhaps second hardest was to actually take things through the door, meaning that this really was a “final” act of "life as we know it at Mom’s house". After this weekend, it will be Keith and Della’s house, where they live with their own families. It already is and has been, without a doubt, but up until this weekend, the other 8 of us were involved. Now, they can move forward with flexibility and no strings from the outside. It’s a nice INDEPENDENT feeling to be able to direct a project without interference, well intended or not. It’s nice to be able to ask for help on a project and know the other person can say yes or no, but that’s where it ends. Either they will help you and you tell them what you want, or they say no and the conversation is over. There will no longer be a situation of trying to get 10 people to agree on each and every decision. FREEDOM! INDEPENDENCE! It’s a great thing!

So, some of us came together, we all had our opportunities to do the last of what each of us needed to do. It went smoothly and it went peacefully, for all who chose to participate.

There was laughing, crying, and joking, and the making of new memories. Definitely a step forward for the first time (in my opinion) in the past 15 months. Thank goodness!

Joking:
James to Elaina: “Hey, don’t you have your driver’s permit now?”
Elaina: “Yes, I do!”
James: “Oh, well then that explains why, on my way down this morning, that all those people were standing in the middle of the road instead of on the sidewalk.”
Elaina: “You think you are funny!”

How we acquire so much refrigerator art:
Tyler to me: “Aunt Vah-gin-ya, can I have some paper to draw some pictures?”
Me: “Yes, here you go.”
Tyler: “Thanks, what do you want me to draw for you?”
Me: “Oh, I like a flower garden, with all colors of flowers.”
Tyler: “Okay! What colors?”
Me: “green, purple, red, blue, yellow, orange, pink”
Tyler, 30 minutes later: “Okay, is this what you like?”
Me: “You did a fantastic job.”
Tyler: SMILING very proudly!

Realty sinking in:
One of us: “Wow, this is really hard.”
Someone else: “It’s not easy for any of us. I know it’s not easy for me.”
Another: “But it has to be done, and it’s what Mom wanted us to do. It’s going to be okay.”

And it is.

Here are some pics from the weekend:
Upon arriving to Down County, we went in search of Grandma. She wasn’t home from her dinner date yet, so we looked around at the haunted hayride decorations. Looks like everyone will be having lots of fun scaring people next weekend!





We decided to wait by sitting in the dark on the swinging bench. Before us was a full and orange harvest moon, very nice indeed, and just coming over the treeline across the street. Unfortunately, our camera isn’t that great, so this is as clear as it gets. Color is close, though.




Grandma and Sheryl arrived shortly after that, and we had a short but fun visit. It's been over a year since our last visit.


For our entire trip from NM to VA and now to MD, the one thing he’s been waiting so patiently for is to get to play with his cousins. He was so excited to be there, and they all played hard, like boys like to do. Bikes, football throwing, horseshoes, hide and go seek, scooter, running, coloring, drawing, tv and movies, video games, eating, repeat!




















Ahhh, time for the outside haircut. Yes, Patrick actually asked to have his hair cut. Good thing he has such a nice sister!


At one point, I found myself shifting small items from one box into another. Jinxie decided that HE needed to plant his bottom in the same box at the same time. And, so he did. And so I kept adding my items to the box, which took me about 20 minutes as I was doing something else in the process. He finally decided he had gotten covered enough and finally got out. He is one of those bag kitties, or coat kitties, or box kitties, or just climb on whatever is around to catch and eat the moths kitties. He's a lot of fun!

And here we have Permit Girl. Watch out on the sidewalks, so I hear! Oh, gosh, her mother looks terrified! I did witness them both return to the house in one piece, thank goodness!